6.16 Bridesmaids Revisited

[Rory is in the apartment, in front of a mirror, as music blares in the background]
Logan: HEY! [he goes up to her when she doesnt respond]
Rory: AHH! Oh, you scared me!
Logan: Sorry.
Rory: What?
Logan: Sorry!!
Rory: What????
Logan: [turns down the music] Sorry.
Rory: I guess that was a little loud.
Logan: What????
Rory: Sorry!
Logan: Im telling you we should take this on the road. I see you went with Faye Dunaway in Network.
Rory: And some Maureen Dowd 'come hither' pumps for good measure.
Logan: I wish I could be there for you.
Rory: Oh, you do not.
Logan: I do to.
Rory: You would be asleep in three minutes
Logan: The pumps would have kept me going for at least four. Im in a suit at two o'clock, in the afternoon. Honor has to everyone dressed for a wedding rehearsal. How did I get conned into this?
Rory: Into what?
Logan: Being one of Josh's groomesmen.
Rory: You like Josh.
Logan: I dont even know Josh.
Rory: He's going to be your brother in law.
Logan: Yes, exactly. Going to be. Key word is going. He's not now.
Rory: Your tie is crooked.
Logan: But as of today, Josh is simply the guy who holds my sister's purse when she goes shopping, and because of that, I have to spend the next six hours practicing how to walk in a straight line.
Rory: You have yet to accomplish that, so the practice wouldnt hurt.
Logan: Im not there and Im bored already.
Rory: You could always talk to your good friend, Flasky.
Logan: Right! Thanks for the reminder. I just dont understand wedding rehearsals. The bachelor party, I get.
Rory: I bet you do.
Logan: The actual ceremony, I get. But the rehearsal I dont get.
Rory: Wallet?
Logan: And after we finish rehearsing, I have to sit through a five course dinner surrounded by my new family, and Honor's bridgade of moronic bridesmaids.
Rory: Oh, come on. You love Honor. Her friends cant be that bad.
Logan: Oh, no. Blondie, Dipsy, Bubbles, Four Nose Jobs and Charm McGee, all great gals.
Rory: Meow.
Logan: Seriously, cant you just do the panel, blow off the mixer, and meet me for the dinner?
Rory: Logan....come on. By the time I get out of there, and get back here to change, drive all the way to New York, dinner would be over.
Logan: No, it wouldnt. Dinner is never going to be over. Its gonna last forever.
Rory: I will be here, waiting for you when you get back. [leads him to the door] And I will have aspirin.
Logan: Fine. Ill be back by eleven. Ten of eleven, possibly ten thirty.
Rory: Go
Logan: Fine. [he leaves, then rushes back in.]
Rory: Did you forget something?
Logan: [rushes up and kisses her] You look incredible. Knock them dead. [kisses her again, and leaves]

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[Rory and Logan walking into the Country Club where Honor's wedding is being held]
Rory: It feels like a labrynith.
Logan: Well, if you feel yourself getting lost, just keep your hand on one side of the wall, and keep walking. Eventually you'll find you way out, or get eaten by a minotaur.
Rory: Thanks, chum.
Logan: Josh, my man, whats going on?
Josh: My cufflinks have been stolen.
Logan: Dont worry, Im very good at finding things. At Easter Egg hunts, they used to make me wear an eye patch just to keep things fair.
Josh: Okay, but I suspect thievery.
Logan: You sure you'll be okay hanging out by yourself for a while?
Rory: For at least a fortnight. I'm good. Go, put on your eye patch and find some cuff links.
Logan: [kisses her] I'll see you later. [to Josh]Come on, Josh. Dead man, Walking!
Rory: Excuse me. I'm looking for the library?
Staff Member: Sure. It's in the east wing. You --
Honor: Rory!
Rory: Hey bride, you look beautiful.
Honor: You like my wedding sweats? I'm beginning to think 'Town & Country' might not approve.
Rory: So... how are you doing?
Honor: Okay. You have got to come back and hang out with me and the bridesmaids.
Rory: That's sweet, but I can't. I actually have all this work --
Sofia: Ladies, c'mon, makeup time. And whoever took Josh's cuff links, hand them over. [Walker hands them to her]
Honor: Look, the girls have cracked open a case of champagne. I need you to be my designated dresser. I'm the bride. You can't say 'no' to a bride. It's bad luck.
Rory: I guess I could do my work tomorrow.
Honor: That's always been my motto. C'mon All day, if anyone does something I don't want them to, I'm saying it's bad luck. I swear, getting married is so fabulous. 9leads her to the bridal suite) Everybody, so this is my lovely friend, Rory. Rory's going to hand out with us while we get ready. Some of you may have met at the shower, but this is Alexandra, Walker, Claude, and Megan.
Rory: Hi.
Walker: Welcome to the final hours of Honor's maidenhood.
Alexandra: Yeah right. Honor's maidenhood didn't make it to upper school at Brearly.
Honor: Not true. Turks and Caicos, 1996
Megan: Anyway, we're here to celebrate these last, precious hours before we lose Honor to the dark side.
Walker: And to celebrate, we drink booze.
Honor: Not me. I'm having one glass, right before the ceremony.
Alexandra: Whatever you need to tell yourself.
Claude: Ooh, I love that dress, Rory.
Rory: Oh, thanks.
Megan: Is that Carolinas?
Rory: Um, no. It's mine.
Honor: Oh, Rory, this is Italo. Italo is a genius. If they gave MacArthur grants for hair, he'd get one.
Sophia: Okay, girls. I need to get you in these chairs, pronto
Walker: (hands a glass to Honor) Bridezilla?
Honor: Okay, but just one now and one right before the ceremony.
Alexandra: Whatever you need to tell yourself.
Honor: I need it to make a toast. To friends, old and new. Borrowed and blue. You guys are awesome
Walker: To Honor and to Honor's honor! The missing maidenhood.
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[Rory is with a gowned Honor and the bridesmaids]
Honor: Okay, so I don't look obese?
Megan: You look like a skeleton.
Walker: A beautiful, blushing skeleton.
Honor: Whoa
Rory: What?
Honor: All of a sudden, the idea of marriage seems totally archaic and insane. Legally binding one woman with one man until they die? It's perverse. Why on earth do people do this? Why am I doing this?
Walker: Uh-oh. Freak-out
Claude: You love Josh. Remember?
Honor: Oh yeah. Josh. Okay...Okay. Freak-out over. I wonder if Josh is freaking out.
Megan: We saw him before when we took a smoke break. He looked nervous.
Honor: Oh, adorable. Hey, can somebody check my sling-back for me? It feels messed up and I can't reach my own feet.
Walker: Certainly. Oh yes, the sling-back is not slung back properly. I think I can remedy this. If I just sling this back -- [Champagne spills on the floor.]
Honor: Did that get on my dress? Someone tell me if I need to freak-out.
Megan: The Veuve did not get on the Vera.
Honor: Oh my god. Get away from me, you lousy drunk.
Walker: Hey! That's offensive. I am a terrific drunk.
Honor: I need my designated dresser.
Rory: At your service.
Honor: Make sure it's secure, because I plan on dancing tonight.
Claude: Speaking of dancing, has anyone warned Rory about the quote-unquote dignitaries coming to this shindig? It's always the same culprits.
Rory: I need warning?
Alexandra: The ambassador from Luxembourg is very handsy.
Megan: No, the one you have to watch out for is that poet. What's his name?
Walker: The dude with the red face?
Megan: He just did a translation of the Bhagavad-Gita. Anyway, he acts like he's gay. but it's such a ruse. Total perv.
Rory: Feet, red face, not gay, Bhagavad-Gita, perv. Got it.
Sofia: I'm going to steal the bride to take a couple of quick pictures. Honor, honey, grab your veil. The rest of you -- three minute warning.
Rory: You are dance-floor ready.
Honor: Thank you, my dear. See you soon, everybody.
Sofia: Head that way, toward the sitting room. We don't want Josh to see you in your dress. It's bad luck.
Honor: Please. Like I care about things like that.
Megan: I look like a drag queen.
Walker: My hair is insane.
Alexandra: I totally want your hair. My hair looks like Linda Carter's. Italo was punishing me.
Walker: I'll tell you what I want. I want to hook up with someone tonight.
Alexandra: Just remember that pinning guys in the corner and shoving your tongue down their throats can sometimes come off as desperate.
Walker: But, I am desperate. I swear, I might go home with the ambassador from Luxembourg.
Claude: Oh c'mon, there'll be plenty of eligible bachelors there tonight.
Walker: Like who?
Claude: The groomsmen for starters.
Alexandra: Tripp Wallison is looking good.
Megan: You always think he's looking good.
Alexandra: Cause he always is. Anyway so do you.
Claude: Alexandra and Megan both have both slept with Tripp.
Rory: Small world
Alexandra: I'm with Liam. You can have Tripp.
Walker: Tripp's too short. I'm over the whole Mia Farrow, Woody Allen thing.
Claude: How about Josh's brother?
Walker: Poor man's Josh. Really poor man's. He's the Josh they give away at the soup kitchen.
Alexandra: There's always Logan.
Walker: Been there, done that.
Rory: What?
Claude: Shush!
Walker: What, 'shush'? You should talk.
Claude: Rory is Logan's girlfriend.
Walker: Oops. Oh my god, you're Rory, Rory. I'm so retarded. Don't worry, this was way before you started dating. This was back around Thanksgiving.
Rory: Last Thanksgiving?
Walker: It meant nothing, believe me. Meaningless.
Megan: Walker will have sex with anyone.
Walker: I will.
Claude: And I'm sure you know Logan and I dated. But that was ages ago, eons, back when he drove a Z3. And then we had a stupid one-night stand this December. But there's noting between us, I swear. We're just friends who drank too much spiked eggnog. And now he's met you, and I think you guys are so great together. Really.
Rory: Thanks.
Alexandra: (to Walker) I sorry, I didn't know you had sex with Logan. I thought you two just messed around.
Walker: No, you said you just messed around with him. I said he and I hooked up. I meant hooked up, hooked up.
Alexandra: I thought you meant hooked up. Liked messed around.
Megan: How come you never told me you messed around with Logan? Why am I out of the loop?
Alexandra: I'm with Liam. Officially, nothing happened. These shoes are killing my feet.
Walker: Just crunch up your toes a little bit. That's what I'm doing. Feels good.
Rory: Did you hook up with Logan around Thanksgiving?
Megan: No way. I was in Biarritz.
Sofia: Okay, Ladies! Time to line up; the processional's about to start. Rory, you better go find you seat.
Megan: I look like RuPaul.
Walker: Where are my flowers? Does Sophia have the flowers?
Claude: See you at the party, Rory.
Alexandra: (to Rory) Oh, just FYI, before I got together with Liam, he slept with half the upper east side, and now he's as loyal as a dog.
Walker: I need my flowers! Oh...I have my flowers.

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[Rory is still sitting in the bridal suite, now alone, when Logan walks in]
Logan: Here you are.
Rory: Here I am.
Logan: I was looking all over for you. I didnt see you when I was walking down the aisle, I looked for you during the ceremony. Where were you?
Rory: Here
Logan: Here? You missed the wedding?
Rory: I'll apologize to Honor later.
Logan: Forget Honor. Whats going on? Rory?
Rory: You didn't say a word. You just let me walk into a room full of girls you'd had sex with. Oh, no wait. Im sorry. You just had sex with two of them, on of them, you just fooled around with. Whatever that means. She spared me the exact perimeters of the fooling around. You want to fill me in?
Logan: Rory...
Rory: You know what? Nevermind. Ive got a good imagination, I can figure it out.
Logan: Okay, look....
Rory: I cant believe it. You didn't just cheat on me. You REALLY cheated on me.
Logan: I didn't cheat on you.
Rory: So, you didn't sleep with....
Logan: No, I did. But we were broken up.
Rory: No. You were broken up, not me. I thought we were just taking some time.
Logan: Apart. Not seeing each other.
Rory: Yes, taking some time. Not seeing each other for awhile, that doesn't mean broken up.
Logan: Oh, come on...
Rory: No. When...to break up you have to tell the other person. You cant just decide, that your broken up and go off and....God! I cant believe I fell for all your stupid tricks! The coffee cart, and going to my mother. You went to my mother. Why would you bother going through that? You had plenty of back up. What do you need me for?
Logan: Because I love you.
Rory: No. Don't.
Logan: Rory. I didn't cheat on you, I didn't lie to you!
Rory: You didn't tell me.
Logan: Of course not, why would I tell you? Why would I want you to be hurt and upset and angry?
Rory: Blondie...Dizzy...I love the cover...pretending all those were worthless idiots.
Logan: They are worthless idiots. Shooting their mouths off in front of you, like that.
Rory: Its not their fault!
Logan: It is their fault. They love doing crap like this, causing trouble.
Rory: We were only apart for like two seconds, and you managed to sleep with everyone of your sister's friends. How did you even do that? I mean, did you work them in shifts? Were there charts, signals, B12 shots?
Logan: I was depressed. I was lonely, I was upset. Ive known these girls forever. It was just companionship, okay? It meant nothing.
Rory: Dont be at the apartment between 10 and 1 tomorrow, so I can get my stuff.
[she storms by, he tries to grab her arm, but she brushes him away, walking away]