6.21 Driving Miss Gilmore

[Rory is wheeling Logan out of the hospital]
Rory: Any physical therapist on the list will do, right, doctor? They're all on the same level?
Dr. Schultz: They're all top notch.
Logan: Thats if I need a physical therapist.
Rory: Hush, you. [to Dr. Schultz] And you said lots of rest, but is complete bed rest safest?
Logan: You can not confine me to a bed. Thats a violation of my civil rights.
Rory: Hush, you.
Dr. Schultz: You need to monitor his progress, everyone recovers at different speeds.
Rory: Okay. And when you say lots of fluids, does hot tea count, or just water? He likes hot tea.
Logan: You gotta stop talking about me as if I'm not here.
Rory: Logan.
Logan: Mom.
Dr. Schultz: Tea is fine. Water and juice are better.
Logan: And this wheelchair is absolutely necessary?
Rory: Hospital policy, sir.
Dr. Schultz: Just until you get out of the building.
Logan: Can we at least go faster?
Rory: No, you'll get G-forces
Logan: Doctor, can I go home to your house? I think I'll have much more fun there.
Dr. Schultz: You're in good hands. (to Rory) Just call if you have anymore questions.
Rory: I will. Thank you, Dr. Schultz. (turns to Logan) Okay, I cut off an old lady with a handicap sticker, so we got a primo spot right out front. Colin is meeting us at the apartment, to help me get you upstairs and in bed. And its a little cold outside, so you might need a scarf. I should have brought you a scarf. Maybe they have some in the gift shop, I should go check.
Logan: (points to his throat) Actually, there's something going on here.
Rory: What? Your throat? Is it sore? (leans down) Should I get Dr. Schultz? I mean, we're here, we might as well... (Logan kisses her)
Logan: Thank you for being who I want to get out of the hospital for.
Rory: You're welcome.
Logan: And I'm not cold, I'm fine.
Rory: You promise?
Logan: I promise.
Rory: Okay, lets go. We get to go at my speed.
Logan: Wake me when we hit the door.

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[Logan wakes up in the apartment]
Logan: Paris?
Paris: Male reproductive tract
Logan: What?
Paris: Seven up, seminiferous tubules, epidydimus, Vas Defrens. Ejaculatory duct, nothing, urethra, penis.
Logan: What are you doing?
Paris: Boning up, pardon the pun. Got my MCATs coming up, medical school.
Logan: I meant what are you doing here.
Paris: Looking after you.
Logan: Oh, goody.
Paris: Its necessary. You seem like the kind of lunkhead that would get up too soon, and inadvertedly push a broken rib bone into his spleen.
Doyle: Well, hey there, sleepyhead.
Logan: Oh, goody. A matching set.
Doyle: You sleep well?
Logan: (to Paris) He's watching me too?
Paris: Rory said it would be okay.
Doyle: Hey, now that you're awake, you mind if I switch the TV to the speakers? They're just about to reunite with their husbands, and I'd love to get the full surround experience.
Logan: Who?
Doyle: The penguins. You haven't seen the penguin movie?
Paris: The penguin movie rocks.
Doyle: They'll move you, my friend. So, is it okay?
Logan: Hey, mi casa es su casa. (starts to get up)
Doyle: Great.
Paris: Woah, woah, woah. Where do you think you're going, Cowboy?
Logan: Nature calls.
Paris: You can't get up. Rory said you need complete bedrest, she trusted me with your well-being. I can not betray that trust.
Logan: Then what's your suggestion for my cuurent predicament?
Paris: I'll get the bedpan. Where's your bedpan?
Logan: I don't have a bedpan.
Paris: You got tupperware?
Logan: Paris.
Paris: Doyle, watch him.
[Logan gets out his phone]
Doyle: Pausing.
Rory: [answers her phone at the Yale Daily News] Hey, why aren't you asleep?
Logan: Because I woke up.
Rory: You're supposed to be asleep.
Logan: I've been asleep for a week, my body's bored of sleep, it wants to do something.
Rory: Well, good thing your body has no say in the matter.
Bill: Hey, boss. You're going to want to see this.
Rory: Hold on a second
Logan: You've got to call of your sentries.
Rory: They're there for a reason
Logan: To reinact their favorite scenes from Misery?
Paris: You're kitchen needs organizing!
Logan: Yeah, I'll get right on that!
Doyle: You shouldn't talk loudly, you'll strain something.
Logan: I've got Dina and Mosha Abromowitz on top of me.
Rory: Why is Paris in the kitchen?
Logan: Oh, she's looking for a bedpan substitute.
Rory: Oh, dear.
Bill: You're really gonna want to see this.
Rory: Just leave it, Bill.
Bill: But I want to see the look on your face when you read it. Provided you still have a face after your head explodes.
Rory: In a sec.
Logan: Rory, look, I love your concern for me. I love that your so invested in my well-being, but even the doctor said that if I feel strong enough to move around, that I should do it, its good for me.
Rory: I don't know that the doctor knows what he's talking about.
Logan: You mean the John Hopkins graduate knows less than you?
Paris: I'd kill to get into John Hopkins. [places two tubberwares on the bed] Here, patient's choice.
Doyle: Oh, okay if I unpause?
Paris: Unpause.
Logan: Here come the penguins.
Rory: Look, maybe the doctor knows a little bit of what he's talking about.
Logan: You think?
Rory: So, I guess, get up. But super slow. It should look like a Monty Python routine you're moving so slow.
Logan: I'll make John Cleese proud.
Rory: And let Doyle help you, at least the first time, you could get dizzy.
Logan: I'll let him help me to the bathroom door, but I've got to take it from there, Ace.
Rory: Fine.
Doyle: I cannot look at this shot of the dead baby penguin.
Paris: Me neither. Dead people, yes. Not penguins.
Logan: You'll deal with Paris?
Rory: Put her on.
Logan: Thank you. Paris. [hands her the phone]
Paris: Can I look?
Doyle: We're clear.
Logan: Please talk to Rory.
Rory: (to Bill) What is so important about the Wall Street Journal?
Bill: Oh, you'll see.
Paris: Hey.
Rory: Stand down.
Paris: What?
Rory: Thank you for sitting with him, but I think he needs a little less hovering right now.
Paris: Warren Beatty Jr. smooth talk you?
Rory: No, even the doctor said he should be moving around, besides I think I've been a little overprotective.
Paris: You're call.
Rory: Have Doyle lend him a shoulder right now, okay?
Paris: Fine. Doyle, give Logan your shoulder. (gives the phone back to Logan)
Doyle: You got it.
Logan: See you soonish?
Rory: Just finishing up here.
Doyle: Mi shoulder es su shoulder. Hey, this is very life affirming, very penguin-esque, with the soundtrack music playing like that.
Logan: Hurry here, soonish.
Rory: I will. (hangs up and turns to Bill) What is it?
Bill: I've highlighted the appropriate section. [Rory reads the paper, and her expression changes] Oh, its going to be a quiet, slow-burning sieve. Disappointing.

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[Logan is sitting in bed, while Rpry paces beside the bed]
Rory: I could kill him!
Logan: You'd have to get in a very long line.
Rory: The man should be drawn and quartered.
Logan: There's no fast pass for the line, either. You just have to get in there, and wait.
Rory: Quartering is too good for him. He should be eigthed, sixteenthed!
Logan: I dont know, you quarter a guy, he's in four pieces. Thats tough to recover from.
Rory: He should be stretched on the rack, iron maidened, strappadoed!
Logan: Oh my God, what is strappadoed?
Rory: When you suspend them in the air, with a rope tied to his hands, that are tied behind his back.
Logan: You're scaring me with your knowledge of torture.
Rory: I did a paper on the Attorney General, it comes with the territory.
Logan: Life in modern America?
Rory: Why would the Wall Street Journal print this? Why?
Logan: It was an interview with my father, if he said it to them, they get to print it.
Rory: Even if its a flat out lie?
Logan: They don't know that.
Rory: "I look for the best and the brightest, even at the intern level."
Logan: Reading it again, your just torturing yourself.
Rory: "Ben Cochran at Harvard, he helped me out with my Boston paper, as did Frank Williams. And Rory Gilmore, I gave her her first internship at my Stamford paper, and now she's the editor of the Yale Daily News" AH! (sits on the couch)
Logan: Its classic Mitchum.
Rory: How dare he! I gave her her first internship?
Logan: This is one of dad's things, Rory. Grabbing credit wherever he can, whether its earned or not.
Rory: Everyone in America has read this.
Logan: The Wall Street Journal's readership is high, but its not quite 300 million.
Rory: Well enough people have read it.
Logan: Look, the beauty of a daily paper is its in everybodys recycling bin the next morning, it will totally be forgotten.
Rory: It won't.
Logan: It will.
Rory: I remember everything I read. Front page, op ed, concert reviews, it never leaves. My eyes accidentally flit over an obituary, as I'm hunting for the Metro section, and I can remember the deceased's first wife's name. [Logan starts to get up and out of bed] a full month afterward, and thats just a flit, not a perussal. If I perused it, I could give you his grandkids in alphabetical order, five years later.
Logan: [Hops towards Rory] Ace, Ace, you drinking this in?
Rory: What?
Logan: Helen Keller just signed water, Annie.
Rory: You walked!
Logan: All by my lonesome. You proud of your boy?
Rory: I'm very proud. (hugs him) Oh, and your color is coming back...you've gone from white to off-white.
Logan: Hey, can we get to the bottom line on this article here?
Rory: Give it to me.
Logan: Its all good, its very positive, what he said about you. A powerful man is citing you as one of his accomplishments. Its in no way a diss.
Rory: I know.
Logan: Its actually a good thing, so you should let it go.
Rory: Never.